In our work with female business owners, whether that is a casual conversation at one of our networking or coworking events, or something that presents itself during a client coaching session, there are many things we pick up on in terms of vocalised thoughts and their impact on mindset and future outcomes. The work we do at Tabono is all about empowering the incredible women we support. It’s about connecting them with a like minded group and helping them to think outside of the box and to achieve success in ways that have perhaps alluded them before. It’s also about supporting them to learn how to reframe their mindset when needed.
Something we notice, time and time again, are the negative thought patterns and voices that take hold and keep our clients or members from making progress in either their professional or personal lives. It’s not uncommon, and I’m sure no surprise to anyone reading this, that we can be our own worst enemies. That we can unwittingly tell ourselves things that are probably not true. But we don’t even realise we are doing it.
So, what do we do about this? How do we reframe our mindset?
Well firstly, it’s part of our job to recognise that this is happening with our clients. Our recognition and highlighting of this type of negative thought pattern, allows them to think about what messages they are giving to themselves, and in turn putting out to the world. And how these messages have an enormous impact on the growth of their business and how much they can achieve.
How to reframe your mindset – Flip it!
Here are some tips from us on how you can harness the power of recognising when this is happening. Once you’re more aware, we want you to have a go at flipping those thoughts and focusing more on the opportunities in front of you, rather than on the things you think you can’t do or have. In other words, learn how to reframe your mindset.
1. Be very aware of what you want in your future.
What does success look like and what is currently missing for you. Sometimes, if you’re not clear about what you want the future to look like, it can be incredibly easy to drift and get lost, wasting your time and energy on things that will not move you in the direction you want to go.
So, before you can sabotage your efforts to move forward, let’s get really crystal clear about what that successful future looks like to you so that you can shed any limiting thoughts that may be subconsciously holding you back or leading you in the wrong direction.
Sometimes a focus on a future you don’t really want is just a camouflaged attempt at trying to keep yourself safe, because the stuff you really want is kind of scary!! But, with some flipping of your thoughts and mindset, that fear can become excitement.
2. What’s missing?
With those areas that are currently missing in your day to day life, that you would like to become a reality, but are slightly terrifying, what are your current thought patterns around them?
For instance, do you say to yourself “I want to speak on stage, but I’m too nervous / not good enough / don’t know how / noone wants to hear what I have to say”?
I’m sure all of us know deep down that that kind of thought process is not going to get us any closer. We have to recognise what our negative thought patterns are before we can start to work on them. So, a task for you is to begin to listen closely to what you are thinking or saying out loud when it comes to the future success you really want.
If you really really want it, but you’re talking yourself out of it or putting yourself down, it’s just FEAR, and you can conquer that if you do the work.
3. Let’s be real
Let’s get clear on what is true and real here, and on what you are talking yourself out of doing when deep down it’s what you really want and are capable of achieving.
Notice where you’re sitting with FEAR (false evidence appearing real) when it comes to your negative thought patterns around what you can and can’t achieve. I can almost guarantee that you have no grounds for those self-sabotaging thoughts in point 2, and even if you think there might be a seed of truth, it doesn’t mean it has to stay that work – you CAN do the work to turn it around.
So, what evidence do you have to support the negative messaging? On the contrary, what evidence do you have to show that you’ve got everything it takes to achieve these dreams if you just step up?
4. Flip it!
This is the bit you want to really focus on and spend some time embedding your new, more positive narrative to propel yourself and your success.
Having done the work in points 1-3, how can you flip that narrative, and what can you say to yourself to take back control and make action and change possible?
For example, going back to the mindset of being too nervous to get up on stage and speak, and to quote Mel Robbins who overcame this particular thought pattern herself by flipping the narrative:
“When you say you’re excited, it actually stabilises your body. Even in situations where you’re nervous, if you say you’re excited, by blocking the flow of cortisol to your prefrontal cortex, you can remain focused on what you’re about to do, even though your body’s agitated.Mel Robbins
Imagine that? By telling yourself you’re excited instead of nervous, you can do the thing that is terrifying you and you think you can’t.
Go back to your barriers, your negative or self-sabotaging thoughts, and think about how these could be flipped in your favour. Another example:
“Why would anyone want to work with me when there are so many doing what I do”? Flip it to “My ideal clients are waiting for my way of doing things, my energy, my unique skills”
Turn your negative self-talk into positives!
5. Practice makes perfect
Practise,practise, practise and be aware of your thoughts and what you say as much as possible so that sneaky self-sabotage doesn’t get a look in. You can do this. You can reframe your mindset. Just flip it!